


Utopia Threatened

by godessoftrees



Category: Glee
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, F/M, M/M, Self-Harm, teenage angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-24
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-02-26 20:03:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2664626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godessoftrees/pseuds/godessoftrees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Following the events of 'In Search of Utopia,' Kurt Hummel fights for the health and happiness of the family he built with Blaine Anderson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Here you go, the first chapter of the sequel to In Search of Utopia, which was the sequel to Perfect. This fic will not make sense if you have not read those. I’m not yet sure how long this fic will be but I hope you will enjoy the ride with me.  
> Warnings for this chapter: self-harm  
> Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. The characters of Catharine “Cate” Elizabeth, Chloe Emerson, and Zachary “Zach” Thomas Anderson-Hummel as well as Jessica “Jess” Huntley are creations of my own.

**A/N:** Here you go, the first chapter of the sequel to _In Search of Utopia,_ which was the sequel to _Perfect_. This fic will not make sense if you have not read those. I’m not yet sure how long this fic will be but I hope you will enjoy the ride with me.

 **Warnings for this chapter:** self-harm

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own Glee. The characters of Catharine “Cate” Elizabeth, Chloe Emerson, and Zachary “Zach” Thomas Anderson-Hummel as well as Jessica “Jess” Huntley are creations of my own.

Chapter One: History Repeated

Monday October 13, 2031

It was not unusual for Kurt to return home after the school day before Cate and Chloe. So Blaine was not surprised to return home from the park with three-year-old Zach to find Kurt was home alone. What he did not expect was to find his husband digging through Chloe’s dresser drawers.

“What are you doing?” Blaine asked, standing in the doorway.

“Is this shirt Cate’s or Chloe’s?” Kurt asked, picking up a long-sleeved lavender blouse from the bed.

“I don’t know. They trade clothes so often I can’t keep up. Why does it matter?” Blaine questioned, coming further into the room.

“There is dried blood on the left sleeve, Blaine. Blood!” he exclaimed.

Blaine didn’t speak immediately. He took the shirt from Kurt and examined the left sleeve. Sure enough, a long thick line of blood had dried on the fabric.

“This doesn’t mean anything, Kurt,” Blaine said slowly as not to anger his husband. “We shouldn’t jump to conclusions.”

“How can we not? They know about my past, they know I used to self-harm,” Kurt said. He was quickly losing control of his emotions.

“Kurt, please, calm down. We will talk to the girls when they get home. Now, Zach is waiting for his afternoon snack in the kitchen and he wants his Daddy to make it for him,” Blaine took Kurt by the elbow and guided him from the room.

Kurt hastily grabbed the shirt before following Blaine. They descended the stairs from the third floor of their brownstone townhouse to the ground floor. Zach looked up at his fathers when they entered the kitchen. His hazel eyes lit up at the sight of Kurt and he ran across the room, flinging himself into his father’s arms. Kurt couldn’t help the chuckle that bubbled up from his throat. He ruffled his son’s curly black hair and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

“I hear someone wants a snack,” Kurt said affectionately as he carried Zach towards the kitchen table.

“I do!” Zach exclaimed.

“How about some apple slices?” Kurt suggested. He put Zach in his booster seat and turned to the refrigerator. Zach watched intently as Kurt rinsed the bright red apple before coring it and placing the slices on a small plate for his son.

Kurt sat across from Zach while he munched on the apple slices, asking him about his day. As Blaine was able to work from home, there was no need for Zach to attend daycare and he stayed with Blaine while Kurt and the girls were at school. It was the same arrangement they had used before the twins reached school age. Kurt looked up when Blaine entered the room.

“They’re home,” Blaine said, offering no other explanation. Just then the front door slammed and the sound of teenage giggling could be heard drifting down the corridor.

“Girls, will you come in here please?” Kurt called out. He heard the sound of their book bags falling to the ground before his daughters entered the room.

“What’s wrong, Dad?” Chloe asked. She reached across the table to steal one of her brother’s apple slices.

“That’s mine!” Zach cried out indignantly.

“Zachary, you have to learn to share,” Blaine scolded his son lightly.

Zach ducked his head before shoving another apple slice into his mouth. Chloe ruffled her brother’s hair affectionately. He moved out from her reach, making her laugh.

“Whose shirt is this?” Kurt asked before he allowed himself to be distracted by the antics of his children. Chloe’s cerulean eyes grew wide and flew to her sister.

Cate nervously tucked her blonde hair behind her ear. Her equally blue eyes met her sister’s and Kurt was again struck by how similar the girls were even though Chloe had inherited Kurt’s chestnut hair while Cate had his mother’s blonde locks.

“Obviously, it’s ours,” Cate said, hoping her father would not push the issue.

“I want an honest answer,” Kurt said seriously. “Which of you owns this shirt?”

“It’s mine,” Chloe said after several seconds of silence.

Fourteen years of parenting meant Kurt could look at his daughter and tell when she was A) conspiring with her twin or B) lying through her teeth. Chloe kept her face blank and avoided looking at Cate altogether but Kurt knew in an instant she was lying.

“Then you’ll be able to tell me whose blood this is?”

“Blood?” Cate asked, her face draining of color.

“Kurt, maybe we shouldn’t do this right now,” Blaine said slowly, his eyes drifting to their son.

“Chloe, if this shirt is yours then you should be able to tell me why there is blood on the sleeve,” Kurt continued, ignoring his husband. Neither girl spoke, but Kurt knew he could out wait them. Finally, Cate gave in.

“The shirt’s mine.”

“Cate-”

“Chloe, take your brother upstairs,” Kurt interrupted.

“But, Dad,” Chloe began to protest.

“Take your brother upstairs,” Kurt repeated.

Chloe sighed heavily but obediently lifted Zach onto her hip and carried him out of the room. Blaine gently pushed Cate forward until she took a seat at the table across from Kurt. Blaine sat beside her.

“Sweetheart, why is there blood on your shirt?” he asked gently.

“I don’t know,” Cate said stubbornly.

“You can lie all you want, Catharine, but that will not do you any good in the end. We will sit here until you choose to tell us the truth,” Kurt said.

Cate stayed silent. They sat in silence for several seconds until Chloe reappeared in the doorway.

“If you don’t tell him, Cate, I will,” Chloe said.

“Please, don’t,” Cate pleaded with her twin.

“I’m sorry but I can’t keep this a secret anymore. And if you were a good friend, you wouldn’t be willing to,” Chloe said. She sank into the chair beside Kurt and picked up the blouse, examining the blood stain. “The blood isn’t ours. Jess wore this shirt last.”

“Jess?” Kurt asked in confusion. “Why is she wearing your clothes?”

Jess Huntley had been Cate and Chloe’s best friend since they were in preschool together. They were rarely seen without each other and Jess spent nearly every weekend at the Anderson-Hummel house. Kurt and Blaine had welcomed Jess into their family a long time ago. She even called them ‘Dad’ and ‘Papa’ as Cate, Chloe, and Zach did.

“We share clothes all the time,” Cate mumbled, glancing at her sister. Chloe nodded in agreement.

“That doesn’t explain how blood got on the sleeve,” Blaine said, raising a single eyebrow.

“About a month ago . . . Jess started cutting herself,” Chloe confessed, avoiding her twin’s eyes.

“Chloe!” Cate hissed, her blue eyes widening.

Kurt exchanged a look with his husband. Chloe ignored her sister.

“That’s not all. Cate did it too.”

“What!” Blaine exclaimed, his hands gripping the table.

“You’ve been hurting yourself?” Kurt demanded of Cate before quickly turning his attention to Chloe. “And you knew and didn’t tell us?”

“I’m telling you now,” Chloe said. “I know I should have told you sooner but she only did it once and she promised she wouldn’t do it again.”

“Chloe, go to your room. We need to speak to your sister,” Blaine instructed seriously.

“No!” Cate protested as Chloe said, “I’m not leaving her.”

“Chloe Emerson,” Blaine began.

“Let her stay,” Kurt interrupted. “Cate will tell her everything we say anyway.”

Chloe looked at Blaine, satisfied when he nodded his agreement.

“Why would you hurt yourself?” Kurt asked, reaching across the table to take Cate’s hand in his.

“I’m under a lot of pressure,” Cate said. “I’m in AP classes, glee club, gymnastics and dance. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed.”

“She’s depressed,” Chloe interjected helpfully.

“Chloe, let your sister speak,” Blaine admonished.

“Is that true?” Kurt asked. His eyes searched his daughter’s face for some sign of the turmoil she had been facing.

Cate nodded.

“You should have come to us,” Kurt said. “Major depression is hereditary. You know I’ve struggled with it for years, and you know I used to self-harm. I can’t understand why you would do this to yourself knowing that I went through the same thing.”

“I didn’t want to disappoint you,” Cate whispered, staring at her folded hands on the table top.

“I would say you could never disappoint us but I’d be lying,” Blaine said. “But no matter what, you will always be our daughters and we will always love you. We just wish you had told us sooner.”

“It wasn’t that long ago,” Chloe interjected.

“When did it start?” Kurt questioned, turning to look at her.

“The depression started about a couple months ago,” Cate admitted. “I only hurt myself last week. I wanted to see if it worked.”

“And did it?” Blaine asked.

Cate nodded. “But I remembered what you told us about your past, Daddy. I didn’t want to go through that too so I didn’t do it again. I only really did it because it seems to help Jess.”

“You know I’m going to have to tell Jess’s parents,” Kurt said.

“Daddy, you can’t!” Cate wailed.

“I have to, Catharine. As a teacher I am obligated to inform social services when a child is in danger whether it is from themselves or someone else. My hands are tied,” Kurt said sympathetically. “Don’t worry about Jess. We will make sure she gets the help she needs. And you’re going to be okay too. I’ll call Dr. Sawin and make an appointment for you.”

“Where did you hurt yourself?” Blaine asked.

“My wrist,” Cate answered reluctantly.

“Let me see,” Kurt said immediately.

Cate sighed heavily but obediently rolled up the sleeve of her pink sweater. Kurt closed his eyes when he saw the bright red lines across his daughter’s left wrist. Blaine’s eyes flew to his husband, half expecting this to cause him a panic attack. Kurt managed to keep his emotions in check. Blaine reached out tentatively and trailed his fingers over the thin cuts.

“Did you disinfect these?” Blaine asked.

Cate nodded.

“Everything will be okay, princess,” Kurt promised.

Kurt was determined to make things better for his daughter, no matter what. He hated to see her hurting and hated himself for not noticing that she was struggling. He felt like a horrible father. Kurt had been so blissfully happy in the life he had built with his husband and their children that he had neglected to notice when something serious was going on with his daughter. The utopia he found was being threatened.


	2. Chapter 2:  Assistance Given

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry it’s been so long. For those who have been asking, none of my stories have been abandoned. I’m so busy this semester it’s hard for me to find time to write. But keep an eye out because I will be updating whenever I have time to write.
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: self-harm
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.

Chapter Two: Assistance Given

Tuesday October 14, 2031

Kurt watched Jess closely the following day. She showed all the tell-tale signs of self-harm. Jess wore long-sleeves, even when Kurt caught a glimpse of her during her gym class. In fact, she kept her sleeves pulled down so far that they almost completely covered her hands. Kurt knew he needed to approach the girl but didn’t know how. He was thinking the matter over when Blaine appeared in the choir room with Zach on his hip.

“Ready for lunch?” Blaine asked cheerfully. Zach reached his arms out for Kurt, who balanced him on one hip and kissed his forehead.

“I don’t think I’m going to eat today,” Kurt said. “I’m not hungry.”

Blaine gave him a concerned look.

“Don’t look at me that way,” Kurt said with a frown. “Just because I’m not hungry doesn’t mean I’m relapsing.”

“Did you eat breakfast?” Blaine asked.

“I’m not doing this with you, especially not in from of Zach.”

Blaine opened his mouth to protest but Finn strode into the room before he could.

“Hey, Blaine!” Finn greeted him boisterously. “I didn’t know you were coming for lunch today.”

Several times a week, Blaine would bring Zach and join Kurt and Finn on their lunch break. Blaine had decided to join them today in the hopes of alleviating some of Kurt’s anxiety over the situation with Jess and Cate.

“Finn, will you take Zach to the cafeteria and get him something to eat?” Blaine asked.

Zach reached his arms out to his uncle, who took him from Kurt.

“Something healthy, Finn,” Kurt added. “No junk food.”

“Got it,” Finn said. He started out of the room but hesitated at the door and turned back around. “You guys aren’t getting rid of me to have sex in Kurt’s office again, are you?”

Kurt flushed crimson, dropping his face into his hands.

“Finn, get out,” he said sternly, peeking through his fingers.

“All right, but you have thirty minutes and then we’re coming back.”

Finn disappeared out the door before Kurt could start shouting. Blaine closed the door to the choir room before coming back to Kurt and leading him to sit on the piano bench.

“I haven’t relapsed,” Kurt told him. “I swear.”

“I believe you,” Blaine said. “But I want to keep things that way. You’re too close to this subject to have it not affect you.”

“I’m fine,” Kurt assured him. “I just . . . I don’t know how to do this,” Kurt said helplessly.

“Do what exactly,” Blaine asked. He thought he knew the answer but did not want to leave any chance of misunderstanding.

“How am I supposed to talk to Jess?” Kurt supplied. “How do I do this without her hating the girls for telling us?”

“I don’t know if there is a way to avoid that, sweetheart. But you have to talk to her regardless, and not just because of your duty as an educator. It’s for her own good, not to mention you know what she’s going through. You’ll be giving her someone she can confide in as well as relate to. Don’t you think that will be worth it even if she does get mad at the twins for a little while?”

“What if I only make the situation worse?” Kurt asked, leaning into Blaine’s side.

Blaine wrapped both arms around Kurt and kissed his temple.

“We have two teenage girls cutting themselves. Things can’t get much worse.”

Kurt drew in a shuddering breath; Blaine knew instantly he was trying not to cry.

“They’re going to be okay, love. We’re going to get them both help.”

Blaine cupped Kurt’s cheek in one hand and turned his head so their foreheads were resting together. HIs fingers slid under Kurt'’ shirt to find the old scars on his stomach. Blaine’s finger trailed over each scar. Kurt’s mouth parted in a surprised gasp. Blaine took the opportunity to slot their mouths together, allowing his tongue to dip inside Kurt’s mouth. Kurt moaned, his hand fisting the fabric of Blaine’s shirt and pulling him closer. Knowing Kurt would chastise him later but unable to make himself care at the moment, Blaine ran a hand into Kurt’s hair. Blaine was about to suggest moving things to Kurt’s office which would provide them more privacy but the door opened and they sprang apart like guilty teenagers who had been caught by their parents.

“Dudes, I told you thirty minutes,” Finn said as he set Zach on his feet. Zach ran to his fathers and clambered onto Blaine’s lap.

“We weren’t doing anything,” Kurt said. His appearance contradicted his claim. His usually coifed hair was disheveled; his shirt untucked and rode up to expose the ivory skin of his torso. His lips were red and kiss-swollen.

Blaine wasn’t much better. Not only was his shirt crooked, but at some point several buttons had come undone. Kurt didn’t remember doing it but knew he was responsible. Blaine’s lips were equally swollen. Kurt was immensely glad Finn had caught them and not a student. There had been a time, not long after Kurt was hired, when the men had indulged in every fantasy of having sex in Kurt’s office. But that was when they were both younger, still in their twenties and childless.

After the twins were born, Blaine would often bring them to visit on Kurt’s lunch break but with two daughters to care for; they had acted the responsible parents and focused on their children. But after all these years, Finn still remembered the time Kurt had drug Blaine into his office by his bowtie and slammed the door in Finn’s face.

“What did you feed him,” Kurt asked, determined to change the subject away from his sex life with his husband.

“A fruit bowl and apple juice,” Finn answered.

“Thank you, Finn,” Kurt said graciously, pressing a kiss to his son’s black curls.

“You’re welcome,” Finn answered as he headed back out the door. “But seriously, you’re thirty-eight years old. Stop having sex in your office.”

“We didn’t do anything!” Kurt exclaimed at the same time that Blaine pointed out, “We weren’t in his office.”

“You’re not helping,” Kurt hissed in annoyance.

Finn threw his hands up and left the room for good.

“Why did you have to say that?” Kurt demanded.

“Not only was it true but it got your mind off things,” Blaine replied with a simple shrug.

“I suppose it did,” Kurt agreed reluctantly.

“We should get going,” Blaine said, rising to his feet. “When will you be home?”

“There’s an afternoon choir practice. I’m hoping to catch Jess afterwards. I’ll be home sometime after that depending on how things go.”

“Good luck,” Blaine said before pressing a kiss to Kurt’s lips. “Zachary, give Daddy a kiss.”

Kurt leaned in to kiss his son and ruffle his unruly curls. Blaine left with a wave of his hand and a comforting smile.

**K/B**

“Okay, guys, that’s enough for today. Great work!” Kurt exclaimed with a clap of his hands.

The group of teenagers dissipated as they gathered their belongings and left. Kurt was spared from singling Jess out when she approached him.

“Hey, Dad,” she said cheerfully. Kurt smiled as he always did when Jess called him that. “Can I catch a ride with you? My parents are working late.”

“Of course, Jess. Could you help me straighten up while we wait for Cate and Chloe? They had to go by their lockers.”

“Sure,” Jess answered. She helped Kurt set the room to rights.

As they worked, Kurt tried to think of a way to broach the subject but nothing had come to him by the time they finished. He sighed unhappily and finally asked Jess to sit with him.

“Jess, it’s come to my attention that you’ve been hurting yourself.”

“Who told you?” she demanded.

“It doesn’t matter who told me,” Kurt answered. “What matters is whether or not it’s true.”

“It isn’t,” Jess lied.

“You only wear long-sleeves and you keep them pulling down over your hands.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

“You’re right. Ordinarily that wouldn’t mean anything but we both know it does here. Just tell me the truth, Jess. Believe me, I understand.”

“You don’t understand anything,” Jess said angrily.

“I do,” Kurt said. He rolled up his sleeves so his forearms were bare. HE knew it was hard to see his scars on his left arm with the ‘courage’ tattoo but the ones on his right were more obvious.

“You . . . .” Jess trailed off, dumbfounded.

“I used to hurt myself, when I was a little older than you,” Kurt told her.

“How did you stop?” she asked.

“Papa helped me,” Kurt answered, referring to Blaine. “But ultimately I had to go to rehab to stop for good.”

“Sometimes I want to stop, but mostly I don’t think that I can.”

“You can stop if you want to,” Kurt promised her. “But only if you want to.”

“Why did you do it?”

“I lost my mom at a young age. I was bullied a lot. I did it for a lot of reasons.”

“I’m bullied, every day.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“I have to other teachers, but they never do anything about it.”

“Well, I’m not other teachers,” Kurt said simply. “We’re going to get you help and the bullying will stop if I have to go to the school board myself.”

Kurt knew he had made a difference when Jess smiled at him.


	3. Chapter 3:  Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey guys, sorry it’s been so long but for a long time I just had a hard time writing. Thankfully I have seemed to resolve that issue. Hopefully it will stay that way.
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: self-harm including E.D.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.

Chapter Three: Revelations

Monday October 20, 2031

“How is Jess?” Blaine asked when Kurt climbed into bed beside him. Almost a week had passed since Kurt had confronted Jess about her self-harm.

“She seems to be doing better,” Kurt replied, settling back against the pillows and pulling the covers up over his legs.

Kurt had informed Jess’s parents about her self-harm. They had immediately found her a therapist. Kurt had also told the school administrators about the bullying. Without hard evidence, the girls were only warned about their behavior. Jess’s teachers had been told to keep an eye on her and the guilty parties to make sure there were no further confrontations. If the bullying continued the perpetrators would be suspended.

“And how are you?” Blaine asked, wrapping his arms around Kurt and tugging him against his side.

“Me?” Kurt asked in surprise. “I’m fine.”

“I know this has been hard on you. But you should be proud. We got Cate the help she needed and thanks to you Jess is getting treatment too,” Blaine said with admiration.

“I still wish we had stopped them before they started,” Kurt admitted unhappily, resting his head on Blaine’s shoulder.

“I do too but it won’t do us any good to dwell on what we can’t change.”

“I’m going to dwell on it either way,” Kurt said with a heavy sigh.

“Well, maybe I can distract you,” Blaine said, pushing back the covers. He ran his hands down Kurt’s torso to where his boxer briefs began and tugged them down sensuously.

“You can certainly try,” Kurt said, lifting a hand up to Blaine’s curls. He guided their mouths together, smiling into the kiss.

Kurt allowed himself to be distracted by the feeling of Blaine’s hands on his skin and their bodies moving against each other. He didn’t know what tomorrow would bring but for tonight he would love his husband and show him how much he appreciated his support.

**K/B**

Tuesday October 21, 2031

Kurt woke before his alarm went off the next morning. He shifted to check the time on his bedside clock. Blaine’s arms tightened around him, pulling him back until their naked bodies were pressed flush together.

“Don’t go,” Blaine murmured, pressing a kiss to the back of Kurt’s neck.

“I’m not going anywhere yet, but we only have fifteen minutes,” Kurt replied as he settled back against Blaine’s chest.

“I only need ten,” Blaine said as he rolled Kurt onto his back.

Kurt didn’t try to stifle his laughter at his lover’s comment. Blaine immediately attached his mouth to Kurt’s sternum, where he knew he wouldn’t be chastised for leaving a mark. Kurt pulled Blaine down on top of him; he was just trailing a hand down Blaine’s spine to his ass when a cry pierced the otherwise silent room.

“Daddy! Papa!” Zach cried through the baby monitor.

Blaine groaned unhappily, rolling off of his husband. Kurt pushed himself up and leaned over Blaine to press a chaste kiss to his lips.

“It’s just as well,” Kurt said sympathetically. “I told Jess the girls and I would pick her up this morning.”

“Remind me again, why did we decide to have kids?” Blaine teased as Zach called out again, this time solely for him.

“Hush you,” Kurt said, kissing him again with a smile. “I’ll make it up to you tonight.”

“Promise?” Blaine asked, pushing back the covers and sliding out of bed.

Kurt’s eyes swept over Blaine’s naked body hungrily. Blaine grinned, pleased with how strongly he could affect Kurt after all these years.

“Promise,” Kurt parroted, watching as Blaine sauntered away to get dressed.

**K/B**

Jess arrived in the choir room before the twins after school. She joined Kurt in the storage room where he kept the school’s sheet music. He greeted her with a smile as he continued sorting through different scores.

“How are you doing, Jess?” Kurt asked as he pulled out the score he was looking for.

“Fine,” Jess replied in the same automatic way Kurt had when he was indulging in self-harm. He looked at her with a raised eyebrow, shutting the file cabinet and motioning for Jess to follow him.

“What’s really going on? Have you been hurting yourself?” he asked, taking a seat on the piano bench.

“No,” Jess answered as she sat down beside him.

“That’s great!” Kurt exclaimed as Jess confessed, “But I’ve wanted to.”

Kurt set the sheet music aside before turning to give Jess his full attention. She was pulling at the long sleeves of her white shirt uncomfortably. Kurt’s heart ached for the young woman.

“Jess, that’s completely normal. You’re going to have urges. What’s important is having the will power to ignore them and find other ways to cope. I know you probably don’t want to hear it but you’re actually very lucky. We caught this fairly early, not everyone gets help so quickly.”

“I don’t feel lucky,” Jess said hopelessly. She dropped her head, allowing her dark brown curls to fall around her face, hiding her from view.

“I know,” Kurt said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “But as with any other illness, early detection is key. I had been cutting for four months before Papa found out and another month passed before I got professional help. By seeking treatment so quickly you have hopefully avoided many of the complications that I faced.”

“What do you mean ‘complications?’” Jess asked, finally pushing her hair back and meeting Kurt’s cerulean eyes.

“I didn’t seek help on my own accord. One morning in high school, Papa found me unconscious after I cut too deep. That’s how my family found out I’d been hurting myself.”

Jess shifted her gaze from Kurt’s exposed forearms to her own covered ones. “Is that when you went to rehab?”

The twins slipped into the room quietly. Kurt glanced over at them but continued the conversation with Jess. Cate and Chloe sat on the floor by the piano and listened to their father.

“I wish it had been,” Kurt admitted. “It would have saved me, Papa, and the rest of my family a lot of pain and heartache. Instead I started to see a therapist and was put on an antidepressant. I ended up in the emergency room for stitches twice more before I had no choice but to go to rehab.”

“What do you mean you didn’t have a choice?” Jess asked. Cate and Chloe stayed silent, already knowing their father’s past.

“When I was eighteen, I developed an eating disorder. By the time Papa found out I hadn’t been eating for days and was malnourished. He dragged me to my therapist and I ended up running out during the session. I went home and cut myself so badly it was almost to the bone.”

Jess gasped in shock and her blue eyes widened but Kurt didn’t pause for a second. Even now he hated talking about what he considered the worst mistake of his life. He knew if he stopped he might not be able to start again.

“By the time Papa and Uncle Finn found me I had lost a lot of blood, too much blood. I died in Papa’s arms. He brought me back and kept me breathing until the paramedics got there. In the ambulance I had a heart attack. Papa had to watch as they revived me yet again. In the hospital they had to repair the nerves and tendons in my arms. But not before I had _another_ heart attack. I was in a coma for a week. When I woke up and realized what I had done, what I had forced Papa to endure, I agreed to go to rehab. I haven’t hurt myself since but I was still changed forever.

“When you have a heart attack, part of the heart muscle dies. I have to watch what I eat, exercise regularly but not to the point that will risk a relapse of anorexia, and I have to see a cardiologist. I’ve always been the youngest person in that waiting room. Eighteen-year-olds aren’t supposed to have heart attacks or cardiology check-ups.

“And even though it’s been twenty years, I have no feeling in the fingers of my left hand. I can’t feel it when someone holds that hand; I can’t feel the piano keys underneath my fingers. I was never able to experience the feeling of holding each of my daughter’s hands as we walked down the street.

“I’m not trying to belittle what you’ve gone through, Jess. I just want you to know the risks involved with cutting and how much it cost me. Don’t let it cost you the same way.”

“I won’t,” Jess said with confidence.

Cate rose to her feet, pushing a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. She said, “I won’t either.”

Kurt stood up with a smile.

“Come here, girls.”

He pulled Jess and Cate into a hug. When Chloe stayed seated he motioned with his hand until she joined the group. Jess and Cate shared a look. They knew they weren’t out of the woods yet but they were both going to try their hardest to overcome self-injury. And with Kurt in their corner, Cate felt certain they would succeed.


End file.
